The Ravings of a Madman

It's been a while...

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 22:30:23 GMT

To summarise: I started going out with a girl called Becky and things are going great, had a job interview at the factory where my Dad works for a packing job, haven't really done a lot except play shitloads of xbox, also after long last the mighty Erogeth has hit level 70!

That's literally everything of note for a good month, I know it's pathetic. It seems odd that if I'm not updating it means things are going well, should probably be the other way around but ah well.

A few short observations on life...

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 00:31:50 GMT

Anyone else feel like the people who strain constantly to hold onto moral fibre are often the most evil people you ever meet. I feel like holding onto pre-conceived and wholly un-human qualities takes away from what you can do as a person. I've been feeling like lately, it's not enough to try to do right all the time, what's far more beneficial is to do what you feel like, and if it's wrong, learn to deal with the fact that you will make mistakes. I see a lot of people trying to deny their humanity, and it confuses me, a snake does not pretend it is better than other snakes, a rabbit cannot hate itself, every ant has it's place in the colony, watching the animal kingdom I feel that humans should be the same. Not to say that life should just be a continuing series of necesseties, only that we should live, and live recklessly, do what we feel, and learn not how to be right, but how to be wrong. Nobodys life will ever be perfect, so why do we try so hard to pretend we are something that is probably an actually impossible feat to accomplish. I see so much effort wasted on things of so little importance, I see people looking down on themselves and comparing themselves to others, without just looking at how the people in their life love them regardless of any of it.

I suppose I feel like I'm really getting in touch with the basic order of life, and the systematic yet spontaneous way it should be carried out, I feel i'm growing less jaded and more wise. I'm learning to be honest with everything and just be happy regardless of the outcome. There are still a lot of things I'd like to do, and a lot of places I'd rather be, but one day at a time, even if it's just 15 minutes playing bass, it will all add up, as long as I'm feeling content with what is happening, then that's what matters, and right now, things are looking really good.

Long time No update

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 02:19:56 GMT

Not much has been happening, so I'll leave you with this, I don't remember writing it, but it's not bad, was probably wrecked at the time, enjoy!

23

Shirts and ties, Truths and lies,
Your admiration belongs to those you scorn,
The true, the blue, the few, the used,
Those that analyze the light of every dawn.

Surround yourself with the substandard,
Excommunicate the exceptions that prove the rule,
That every colour will fade to grey,

I'm holding the fort between the saints and the sinners,
Between the martyrs and the dealers,
I'll be forging a new ideal from the broken pieces,
A frankenstein philosophy.

The brightest star that's never had a chance to shine,
Is still brighter than the darkest shadow.

Fucking sick to death...

Tue, 13 May 2008 02:43:00 GMT

...of this shit

Friday is probably gonna be awesome!

Sat, 10 May 2008 10:07:51 GMT

My Friday of the coming week looks like this: Go to Birmingham early, Hang out with Big D and the fucking Kids Table, Watch Big D and the fucking Kids Table play with Sonic Boom Six and Random Hand possibly one of the most perfect gig lineups ever, and then do it again the week after in Manchester!

Good times, I love how nice they are, If I ever get around to starting a decent band, the first rule will be act like Big D all the time, haha.

What's the point denying when we all know we are lying to ourselves...

Fri, 02 May 2008 03:36:27 GMT

I'm slowly learning that I may well be alone on this planet.
I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that what I want may never happen.
I've learnt the only person who questions my character is myself.
I'm trying to stop living with so much doubt.
I'm able to stand up and say I was right for once, with no shame or worry in my mind.
I've realised people won't be happy until I've gone against everything they ever told me.
I'm seeing how the ability to stay true to yourself no matter what life throws at you, is a useless skill.
I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm never going to be anyone people admire or respect.
I've learned that sanity is just a matter of perception, that I could be the one in the right, despite being horrendously outnumbered.
I'm still just wasting my time though, no matter what I do.

Thu, 01 May 2008 01:28:28 GMT

Viva Pinata is possibly the only thing stopping me from going insane right now.

Dear NPower

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 18:36:20 GMT

I'll assume when you said "we'll let you know tomorrow" that you were lying. I'm also assuming this means I wasn't succesful, which is fair enough, however I would appreciate it if like every other mother fucker on this god forsaken pile of shit we call Earth, you could just fucking tell it to me straight for once, that would be really nice and would be very much appreciated. If somebody actually just came out with it for a change instead of pussyfooting around and trying to avoid any actual telling of the truth, that would be super. In short, fuck you, and fuck everyone else.

Lots of love,
That shifty looking kid with dreadlocks who obviously isn't enough of a fucking mindless suckup to earn your approval.

xoxox

9mm and a three piece suit

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 02:58:12 GMT

I feel like I want to say something, and say a lot, but I really just feel utterly drained, physically, emotionally, just blegh. I haven't slept properly in like a week, I have had about 4 meals in a week, I don't do anything except smoke and feel really miserable. I've been thinking of seeing a doctor but I know exactly what will happen, after an hour or so of judging me, they'll give me fistfuls of prozac and tell me to show up at some clinic every week or so. I want to be myself, I just want to be in a state of my own being where I can function and be satisfied.

I need this job interview to go well on Monday so I can afford to just fuck off as much as possible.

Even more writing

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 00:26:41 GMT

Not much to say, so in spite of my lack of update, here's some stuff I've been writing the past few days, enjoy

TSLMVTCA

So whatcha gonna do when the light goes out,
When the world stops spinning and your time is up,
Will you look back, think back, take yourself back to better days,
when you were worlds away.

Well times up now, let's roll, move out,
cus fate won't wait for you,
look up to the sky here comes trouble,
it's raining fire and your money won't save you now,
your lifes a waste, it's all down the drain,
you may be rich in pocket but when it all goes down,
where will you hide?
The streets? The sea? The hills? Just flee,
You can run, you can hide but you cannot survive,
the sum of all your wrongs.

You'll look around, and somewhere in the chaos you'll see me,
I'll be smoking and smiling and laughing with joy,
because todays the day the meek inherit,
todays the day they won't take credit,
Your fucked, your dead, and you'll drop to your knees and scream,
"why me? why me? It's not my fault, I just did what I was told"
and the words will be burned into your head,
"the things that matter most are not worth their weight in gold"

Killing Blow

Another day, Another struggle,
Another 12 hours spent wasting away,
Staring at ceilings and telephones,
Another round, Another fight,
Down for the count, Blood still flowing,
Eyes wide open, Dead to rights

So tell me how you fight a battle with yourself,
Call him out and beat him down,
Crawl back home and patch him up,
Kick him in the skull,
Just to make the lesson count.

Everyday I'm throwing punches,
Everyday I take them back,
Everyday I try to kill him,
Everyday I try to survive.

How do you hurt the enemy,
Who never shows his face,
How do you kill the enemy within,
When you've never seen his face.

...and I don't know much but I do know this, with a golden heart comes a rebel fist

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 13:16:39 GMT

Firstly, Ugh. I went out with this girl a couple of weeks ago, she moved to Stoke a while ago and doesn't really know anyone, so Fox introduced us, we went out, had a good time. 2 weeks later after giving me all the right signals, she's suddenly not looking for anything. It's been getting to me lately, seeing as all my friends are in serious relationships, and I can't even ever secure a second date. Everytime we go out, I look around and see kissing, and hear "I love you" it's bothering me, I know it probably sounds like I'm just being a jealous asshole, but I'd just really like to be happy for once.

Also all this crap has inspired writing, check it out and let me know what you think:

Dear Mr. Innocent I'm here to stake my claim,
To my right to breathe, to bleed, to need,
a cure for all this pain.

It's a shame we can't all be perfect,
But hey someone has to lose,
We can't all have a bed of roses,
But hey you need someone to abuse,

So dry your eyes it's not the end,
Judgement day's still a week away,
I have a feeling when I look in your eyes,
I'll cry and I'll fear and I'll run for the hills,
But at least I'll face my fate one day,
I just hope it's not today,
I've still got living to do,
And a lot of people left to save.

And if you want to talk,
You'll find me where the outcasts roam,
I'll be the kid caught in the crossfire,
The bit player in the scheme,
I'll be waiting with open arms,
Even if it means my time is over,
It might be nice to hear it straight for once.

And for all the wrong i've ever done,
I swear I had the best intentions,
Well I say that now but maybe then,
I was dumb, I was cruel, I was one of them,
Just know I'd take it back if I could,
But time just keeps ticking and there's nothing I can do.
I'd like to sit on a mountain and watch the sunset with you,
Just to know there was a reason for this,
I know I'm not a martyr, but I'm trying,
I hope it counts for something.

Operation: Caulfield

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 03:50:23 GMT

Objective: By the time Scott turns 20, he will be rid of Stoke-on-Trent, by any means necessary.

Step 1: Become a competent bass player, bass being the only instrument left to try out of the 3 conventional rock band instruments, and smartest move to make considering guitar fingerwork was good, yet chord standards were low, and bass mainly requires fingerwork.

Step 2: Find decent ska or punk band in X destination, who require a bassist.

Step 3: Arrange a deal of total commitment to the band, in exchange for a place to crash, and offer to pay share of the bills.

Step 4: Bask in the fact that Scott is no longer bound to this melancholy abyss we all lovingly refer to as "Smoke-on-Stench"

This is only a draft, but it seems to be a good plan, I can do it if I can find a band, and I have no need to go back to college or anything, I'd be doing what I've always wanted and be away from here. I also considered joining Greenpeace or the Peace Corps, but you need to have some variety of military training for both.

Wish me luck!

I need to get out of here!

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 04:12:21 GMT

Ideas?

Shoot!

My 2 seconds of fame...

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:19:40 GMT

Go here: http://www.myspace.com/themightymightybosstones

Go down to the about me section and watch Road to the Throwdown 5.

Then either wait or skip to 2:38.

It's not much, but it's freakin' awesome!

Independent we stand, Independent we fall...

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:40:44 GMT

looking through the paper today
looking for a specific page
don't want to find her full name followed by dates
because when i left her alone
she made a sound, like a moan
"you're known by everyone for everything you've done"
fuck buying flowers for graves
i'd rather buy you a one way non-stop
to anywhere
find anyone
do anything
forget and start again, love
she said she won't go
and that's that
it hurts too much to stand by
you've got to stop and draw a line
and everyone here has to choose a side tonight
the moment of truth is haunting you
don't forget your family
regardless of what you choose to do
you can't decide
and they're screaming "why won't you?"
i'll start the engine but i can't take this ride for you
i'll draw the bath and i'll load your gun
but i hope so bad that you bathe and hunt

annie's tired of forgetting about today and always planning for tomorrow (tomorrow)
annie says "the saddest day i came acrosss was when i learned that life goes on without me" (without me)
annie says "if everyone has someone else, then i ain't got nobody's love to save me" (save me)
annie says "i think i'll pass away tonight, because it seems i'll never get it right if it's just me" (just me)

and when you wake up
everything is going to be fine
i guarantee that you wake up in a better place
and in a better time
so you're tired of living
and you feel like you might give in
well don't
it's not your time

annie says she wouldn't mind if they never find a cure for all her problems (her problems)
annie says as long as she has someone near to make it clear she does not need to solve them (solve them)
"oh, this loneliness is killing me
it's filling me with anger and resentment (resentment)
i'm turning into someone that i never thought i'd have to be again"

and even if it was
i wouldn't let you go
you could run run run run but i will follow close
someday you will say "that's it, that's all"
but i'll be waiting there with open arms to break your fall
i know that you think that you're on your own
but just know that i'm here
and i'll lead you home
if you let me
she said "forget me"
but i can't

Hello Darkness my old friend...

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 03:22:35 GMT

First off, a quick note about this Livejournal, from now on, all posts shall be public unless I deem it necessary to resort to my old ways of angry rantings, in which case it shall be friends only, feel free to add me as a friend if anyone who reads this isn't already, I'll just warn you like the past 2 years in this journal it's just going to be a lot of angry whiny crap. This is just me making an attempt to be a little more positive and a little more inviting I suppose.

Where the fuck do I start? It seems to be a pattern lately, of as soon as everything seems to be settling down for me, and things start looking up, I get hit square in the face with some form of frustrating, upsetting, worrying (etc) scenario. I was at my Dad's on Wednesday night, we were sitting around watching TV, the usual, then the phone rings, the mood drops immediately, I can tell something's gone wrong, I overhear him asking about directions to the hospital and I start to panic. I rush upstairs while he's on the phone and start getting myself ready to make a move, I just didn't feel that we were going to be waiting around long, call it a sixth sense, I just knew without knowing. Turns out my Great Auntie Joyce, possibly the loveliest woman you will ever meet, and the proverbial glue, holding my Dads side of the family together has had a heart attack. We went to visit her as soon as we could, and thankfully she's doing alright. We don't see her as often as we should, so I don't know whether it was a little weird me being there but I just needed to make the effort, I just can't let another Chris situation happen, I know that turned out all right, and it looks like this will too, but It's too risky to not be there.

It's just another situation that's so out of my hands it terrifies me. Everything seems to be heading that way, I can't get a job because every employer I try deems me not good enough, I can't help but wake up everyday fearing everything I can't control. I can't get a job, I can't help the people who need me, everytime it happens I feel about 6 years old again, unable to make a change, unable to make an input, just utterly useless. I keep trying so hard everyday to keep the train rolling, but everyday there's still that voice inside that just keeps asking me if it's ever worth it, if I'm ever doing enough, if I ever could do enough.

I know you'll probably think it's petty but it kinda means a lot to me, and I've been wondering a lot lately if I should just cut my hair, I know it's not helping me get a job, but to me it would be like selling out, and on the other hand, what is keeping it going to score me, a little pride, that's about it, nobody else really cares about anything other than when they're getting paid. It's not like anybody's going to respect me, or look at me and think "that kids got guts" but It would be like cutting a part of me off, as melodramatic as that sounds. I love it so much, and I enjoy having something that makes me stand out, makes me seem abnormal, out of place, because mentally, that's how I've always felt, and I've learnt to wear it with pride, and not give a fuck what people think, but at the same time I hate it, because everybody will always make assumptions, look at you like some kind of crazy person. I suppose it's just the symbolic battle between "growing up" and staying a kid forever, I leave it, I stay a kid, I keep doing what I want to do, and hopefully make it somewhere doing something I want to do, or I grow up, get a haircut, get a comfortable office job and hate myself. I know I should keep trying, keep fighting for what I believe, I just don't know if it's ever really going to count for anything.

They Came To Boston

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 04:00:14 GMT

Here in all it's full bodied glory, complete with every little bitty detail about every single thought in my head at every exact moment from my wonderful journey to the fantastic city of Boston, Massachusetts. Be forewarned it's a long'un.

It was a cold December morning, December 27th 2007 to be exact, I had awoken particularly earlier, double checked I had everything I needed, said goodbye to my Mother and Glen, and waited for my Dad to pick me up and take me to the airport, I remember distinctly, my worries were not with the fact that I was travelling 3000 miles alone, but that I wouldn't be able to get my favourite brand of cigarettes over there (Mayfair for anyone who's interested), if I could even get served at all. My dad arrived, we triple checked and then it was off to Manchester.

He asked me if I was nervous, I responded with a Yes, I was quite nervous, it was a huge move for me, and I hadn't really given it a lot of thought, maybe I was being stupid, I'd like to think I really just wanted to see the BossToneS so much that it overrode all of that. Anyway, I bid farewell and headed inwards after a cup of coffee and a quick pep talk from my dad. Things were going smoothly, I got through security no problems, sat down and waited for my flight, while reading The Beginners Guide to Marxism, which some wonderful person had got me a long time ago, and me being useless never really got round to reading it. I'd also bought with me Stupid White Men, by Micheal Moore, and On The Road, by Jack Kerouac, also a Philip Larkin Poetry book. (Remember this, relevant plot point, also as if it took me so long to even get started on these books, I am teh suck)

I got on the flight and before I knew it I was in Amsterdam (had to change flights) and I had to wait 12 hours until my flight to Boston. Now Amsterdam airport is a big place, full of anything you could possibly desire, unless it's 11pm, and alls you have is a few pounds and a shitload of dollars. I passed away the time by finishing the book on Marxism, and the Philip Larkin poetry book, (both good reads) checking out the male toilets every few minutes, because they had awesome decorative work, photos of Amsterdam spread all over everywhere, I also found a small brown mouse in a secluded corner of the airport, and watched him frolic for a while. I spent a good portion of time riding the walkways and listening to a lot of Streetlight Manifesto, I also played "Guess which plane I'll be flying on in X hours" I lost. After a lot of waiting, a lot of nervousness and a 40 minute nap it was boarding time, when I had my first run in with security.

If you're wondering why I'm so uppity about security, you've obviously never had dreadlocks, people will assume the worst at all times, and in Amsterdam, airport security is tight for obvious reasons. Anyway here's what happened, a full body search, complete with groping and a 10 minute interview with a rather nice dutch man who couldn't understand why I was travelling so far for 3 days just to see one concert (This was a common point of discussion with many officials). Anyways, I survived, got on board, sat back and planned to sleep, this did not happen, thankfully they were giving away free pretzels and pepsi which kept me sane. I looked out of the window and knew it was already far too late to be worrying, from here on in I had to suck it up and prove to everyone that I can do this, as I watched Europe drift away in the morning light, I thought ahead to what could possibly wait for me in the land of opportunity.

After a long flight, and several crappy movies, I was ready to stretch my legs (fun fact, at no point on any leg of the journey did I leave my seat on the aircraft unless to get on or off the plane), I looked out of the window and saw beautiful rolling clouds, slowly rising upwards, then I saw the ocean and out in the distance I saw land, and what I believe was Canada (we were over land for quite a while, and a few times before landing), so of course I start getting edgy, too much blood in my sugar stream, what time is it? will I make the train? what if I miss the train? I have no way of contacting anyone, etc etc for a good hour before we landed in good ole Boston.

I'd better rewind, basically I was landing at 10:30am, I needed to catch the 12pm train from South Station in order to meet Kerrin and her friends in Attleboro at 1pm. So we landed I walked off the plane and was greeted by an American flag, a sense of awe, and a huge sign saying "Welcome to New England." What the hell was wrong with Old England, that's what I wanna know. Anyway, I soon realised I had made an error, at some point I must have nodded off and missed the forms I had to fill in to get through US Immigration, and these are people you don't really feel good about asking for favours, anyone carrying a gun at their waist is not someone I want to bother, anyway after awhile I got through passport control and I was on my way out, it was about 11:10am, I was just about going to make it.

Suddenly, I get asked to wait, and to step over to the left, where a man and a woman, both with guns, come over and ask me to place my bag on the table, empty my pockets, and they wanted why I was here, how long I was here for, where I was staying etc etc, I complied they were friendly enough and only doing their jobs, so of course I'm telling them everything, they're also confused by my urge to see this band. Anyway after searching my bag, the guy pulls out my book collection... Yeah... A Beginners Guide to Marxism, and Stupid White Men, is not really what you want American airport police to find in your bag, I froze, worried sick, luckily they found it funny, and he was a Kerouac fan (I have no idea what he was saying I still haven't read it, I really am teh suck) so I blagged my way out, and everything was back on track, feeling a little relieved, and worried because it was now 11:30am, and I had no idea how to get to South Station.
(I realised after 99% of Mass's drug trade comes from Amsterdam, and looking like I do, it's only understandable)

I wander around, find a taxi cab, hop in and ask the guy to take me to South Station. I stare out of the windows in awe, a city, a real city, not Stoke, not London, we're talking Skyscrapers, freeways, highways, it goes on forever, and it's alive, you can feel it in every breath, and you can feel it with every step and every glance, this is a city that literally lives, it has a pulse, a soul, I can't explain the immediate awe driving through those busy streets. I get to the station, throw the driver a $20 and head inside to find out how the hell I get to Attleboro, I walk in and get a ticket, a man greets me with a surprising amount of enthusiasm, it's a pleasant start, I stand in a station, in a city, in a country, on a continent, 3000 miles from anywhere I know, it scares me for a split second until I realise that I'm actually there, it isn't just "what if something happens" it's "I'm here, I did it, everythings great" I looked up to the train listings smiling, and a little shocked at how far I'd managed to come.

I didn't really have time to enjoy the moment, my train was ready and it was time to set sail for Attleboro, I picked a bench on the train, the surprisingly friendly ticket man took my ticket, wished me a good day, I wished him one in return, (basically Amtrak (american rail company) piss all over british rail, £3.50 for a one way ticket that goes all the way to the next state, and all the staff are cheerful and helpful) and I sat in my corner on a train, and watched the Boston skyline disappear from view, I admired it, and couldn't wait to see her again later that night, I was so breathtaken, but I only had 30 minutes to enjoy it before I had to head off. So I'm sitting on the train enjoying the scenery, listening to American chit chat and revelling at their accents, it's just another small reminder that I actually succeeded.

Suddenly I realise something, I'm on a train, to meet someone, who I've been speaking to for over two years, and we're so ridiculously close and everything, but I've never met her before, my heart starts racing, I scramble for my Ipod, I need some uplifting tunes, I get 30 seconds of Aquabats before it dies on me, I'm alone, heading towards a place even further away from home, meeting one of my closest friends for the first time ever, and I'm not ashamed to say I was panicking. As each station went by and we got closer and closer I grew even more nervous, I kept thinking what if it goes wrong, what if they hate me, what if I say something stupid, panicked, nervous, on your own 3000 miles from home and not having slept in over 24 hours is not a good way to be.

"Now entering North Attleboro station" one more station to go until crunch time, this is when I began the imaginary mental pep talk, it went a little like this "SOOOONNNNN! IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND WALK YOUR ASS OFF THIS TRAIN I'MA SMACK YOU SILLY YOU DUMB SUNUVABITCH" Slightly psyched, slightly worried, slightly exhausted, I walked off the train and picked a direction, only to hear my name being shouted behind me, I turned around to see everyone there, it was both a huge relief and a huge shock to the system, it's a weird feeling when you see someone online so much and then you see them in real life, I was a little lost for words, so I just talked shit about the flights and apologised for my filthy british mouth, made lame jokes about driving on the wrong side of the road.

We went for a meal, which wasn't great, in the restaraunts defence I never liked veggie burgers, but that was literally the only veggie option there, thankfully they didn't charge me, so I had a handful of greasy fries and a few pepsi's to wake me up a little, everyone else enjoyed it though so that was good. I felt very strange sitting at this table, (even though some guy complimented my toasters shirt) it was just like "you're americans, I'm not, this is so freakin' surreal" in a totally awesome way let me add, I was just a little drained to be all uppity about it.

This is the part where I could really do with being able to put photo's on here, but sadly I can't so for this part, check the second photo of my second album on my myspace. My company in this strange place consisted of (from right to left): Kerrin (next to me), Becky (next to Kerrin), Lauren (you get it), Jon, Tina (the girl on the far left), Mike (Guy hugging Tina).

Kerrin, Becky and Lauren met me at the station, then we went to get Jon. Then Me, Kerrin and Becky waited in the restaraunt while Lauren and Jon picked up Tina and Mike. The reason I make a note of this because of my initial reaction to seeing Mike. Before I say anything, let me say Mike is one of the nicest people ever, but when Mike came in and sat down, and him and Tina greeted me, I was a little intimidated, Mike is a huge guy, with a skinhead, I immediately thought to myself "don't piss him off, whatever you do, don't piss him off." Turns out he loves anime, ska, and a lot of other cool stuff so we got on really well, we all did to be fair, it's just that none of the others posed such a threat to my vital organs, haha.

After the meal, we all went bowling which was pretty good, though I suck, so after claiming the lanes hate british people, and generally causing a ruckus, we decided to rock out in the arcade, which as always was a good choice. Somebody played the BossToneS in the car, and Becky asked how excited I was, and as impossible as it sounds, I totally forgot, I was having so much fun just hanging out, It slipped my mind, suddenly it came back, the hairs on my neck stood on end, it was only a day until I got to see them.

We went and hung out at Becky and Tina's for awhile (they're sisters, twins I believe) where the Naked Gun was on, which always hits the spot, Tina bought me a cup of coffee which was really nice and really hit the spot, everyone was so nice, it was strange, people were so kind and generous and thoughtful, everyone was, it really made me feel at ease with everything. After hanging out, and receiving Tina's bag of miscellaneous junk food (which was -thoroughly- enjoyed on my triumphant return) it was time to head back to Boston, as I didn't want to get back to a closed hostel. Mike offered me a cigarette, and I realised it had been a long time, I smoked and felt at ease once again, everything was good here, nothing was there to bring me down, good people, good times, that's what it's all about. In the end he gave me a few cigarettes and a lighter to get me through the night which I gratefully accepted, we agreed to meet the next day in Boston and said our goodbyes, I caught the train back to Boston and looked at my watch sadly.

If that day had already gone, It would be over before I knew it, and at the rate it was going I just wanted it to last forever, anyways after a slight mope on the train I got off at Back Bay Station as my hostel was in Back Bay, and decided to go for a walk to find it. Took some nice photos, found the hostel, turns out it was 24 hours (bummer). Went out for a smoke and discovered 24 hour minimart next door, stocked up on cherry mountain dew (it's so good), and cigarettes and walked across the Charles river as I knew where it was from Google Earth, it was a nice walk, admittedly I was walking around a major city, alone at 11pm and I thoroughly enjoyed it, I took some more photos and headed back to rest.

After the first day, I realised a lot, Boston is the home of a lot of great bands, because it's a city that's just so alive and passionate, it really is an incredible place. I also realised, I'm a huge band geek, seeing signs for the Mass Pike (The Get Up Kids) and numerous street names from BossToneS songs, I was geeking out like a champ. I was so happy to be there, I just wanted to walk all night, but admittedly my batteries were low and tomorrow was a big day so I got some sleep...

I wake up at around 9am, we'd agreed to meet at South Station at 10am so I had plenty of time to get ready and meet everyone (fun fact, sleeping in Boston was some of the best sleep I've ever had). I got up, got ready and headed outside, had a cigarette while I made my way to Back Bay station to get the train into South Station. I asked for a ticket only to be told that it was free, and I could pay if I wanted to but I didn't have to, and so I headed to the platform and waited for the train.

After 30 minutes I began to wonder why a) Nobody else was on this platform, and b) Why no trains had come through here yet, I was sure, and I mean damn sure (I still am) that this was the platform I got off the train at the night before, thus meaning the train for South Station must have been coming to that platform, at 9:50am I decided I'd fucked up and ran outside to get a cab, and waste around $20 getting to somewhere all because I was on the wrong platform. Also of note, before trying to catch the train I had a lovely chat with a guy outside the station and a homeless man wished me happy holidays. (Fun fact, if you're british, most americans will assume you live in London, and when explaining where you live, you must give a distance of how far it is from London). The guy seemed fascinated by our transit system and airport, after explaining I wasn't from London I just assured him it was good except for the fact that it's never on time (admittedly I have little knowledge of the London underground, I was just blagging it).

After finally making my way to South Station, nicotene in bloodstream and ready for a day of no holds barred fun, I walked in and found everyone after a minute or two of searching, and after greetings and whatnot we decided to split up, Me, Kerrin, Becky, Lauren and Jon would go to the Museum of Science, Mike and Tina would go to Harvard Square (fun fact, if you say harvard square in a Bostonian accent, you sound like an old timey news reporter) and then we would meet later for some food and general hanging abouts. So we made our way to the underground train station and caught a train to the science museum. It was this point where the first photo of the myspace album was taken, train profanity ftw!

We arrived and I lit up another cigarette (I seemed to smoke a lot, but actually I smoked 15 in 2 days, not too bad) and began our short walk to the Museum. The museum is crazy good, outside there's a lifesize T-Rex statue, and inside there's just an infinite amount of fascinating stuff, like wooden computers that can play Noughts and Crosses (Tic-Tac-Toe if you're American), bowls that recreate planets in orbit, and a lot of stuff that made me feel like an idiot. I always think I'm pretty smart, but being there, and with Jon talking about German scientists disproving dark matter, I realised the only reason I think I'm that smart is because I have Dwarf amongst Midgets syndrome, but anyway after a moment of doubting my intellect I decided to forget it and enjoy the museum.

We decided to check out this lightning simulator show, where a man in a giant birdcage gets zapped by bolts of lightning, it was pretty cool, I would not like to be that guy though, if something went wrong his ass would be grass. Afterwards we went and watched a film about ancient sea monsters on the imax. Before the show started we got some little introduction featuring Leanord Nimoy "He was Spock, In Star Trek", basically I'd call it pure American cheese, but then again i'm just a cynical British asshole. Anyway imax, that shit is huge, you can't even see all of it and the seats are positioned so you feel like you're gonna fall forwards at any given moment, it's also quite a head blag though thoroughly enjoyable and educational.

So that ended, I gave my eyes a little workout so they'd stop thinking dinosaurs were trying to eat me (seriously it happened) and then we headed outside to get the train to Harvard square, meet Tina and Mike and get some food, which was good because I was starving. After figuring out how to get past the train ticket machine thing, we were on our way, I spent most of the ride staring out of the window, most of the time I was there I just acted like some little kid at a carnival, everything was just so fascinating though.

Harvard Square is a really nice place, and as it happens was to be a sort of central point for all my adventures, (this will become apparent later) we met up with Tina and Mike and decided to hit up this diner which was ridiculously good, and had the greatest jukebox known to man. I remember this place for a few reasons, one because they make the greatest grilled cheese sandwich in the world, and two because Mike almost had to fight some alcoholic at the bar who was causing trouble, anyways food was eaten, things were discussed, I can't really remember what though. Oh yeah! I decided to air all my confusions about American cuisine, such as "What the hell is meatloaf?" and "What the hell are sloppy joes?" (fun fact, they're both pretty much all the gross parts of an animal compressed into different shapes, though the sloppy joes are pretty loosely compressed). This was also the place where the group photo was taken, I figured I needed a group photo and now seemed like the perfect opportunity as they were leaving in a few hours and we might not all be sitting down together again, so the guy at the bar (not the alcoholic, the nice guy who Mike knew) took everyones photo and we continued onwards.

(I've realised I haven't been saying much about what was being said, or anything, namely because I honestly can't remember, I know I suck and I apologise)

We decided then to check out the garage (I think that's what it was called) and on the way I got my "you're language sucks" jive in, aimed solidly at Lauren for a reason I can't recall, (of course I was only fooling around, I don't just go to countries and insult their language for kicks((except in the case of france))) the garage is like a mini shopping arcade, complete with tattoo parlours, manga shops, a newbury comics (the greatest store on earth) and an anti-goverment clothing shop called proletariat, which I was totally digging on having just learned all about Marxism a day or two prior.

So after doing a little shopping (purchasing a five iron frenzy cd, which didn't actually have the cd in, gutted) we went to ben and jerries where I got a pepsi and we sat around chatting for awhile. This was when Mike noticed somebody staring at Tina, so he went to inquire and tell him to knock it off, we thought he'd gone so me and Mike decided to go for a cigarette, when the guy showed up and he and Mike exchanged words and threats for awhile, they walked outside, I relayed the situation to everyone and decided I'd better follow Mike just incase things got hairy, not that I'd be any good in a fight, just thought I should make sure everything was cool. After a while they split up and I went and spoke to Mike, he thanked me for sticking around, and told me that the guys violin case was full of cocaine, so it's probably a good job nothing went down.

We returned to everyone and carried on chatting for awhile until it was around 6 or 7, I forget but anyway, it was time for everyone to get the train back to Attleboro. I walked with them to the station but that was as far as I went as the concert was just down the road from where we were. (It get's a little mushy at this point). After hugging everyone and bidding our farewells, assuring them I'd be back as soon as I could and we both offered each other a place to crash should we be in each others respective nations of origin, then it was time to go. I hugged Kerrin again and watched them walk away, I stood there watching them until they'd gone out of sight, I walked upstairs and stood in Harvard Square, it was cold, misty and I couldn't care about the concert, I was so sad to see them leave, I thought about ditching the concert and running after them, it really did hurt having such a great time, only to see it end so suddenly.

There's a cheesy 90's reggae song by Aswad called Don't Turn Around, that pretty much sums up how I felt watching everyone leave, after a few minutes of moping and asking for directions, it was time for the BossToneS.

I walked down Mass Ave. until I came across the club, I enquired if this was the line for the BossToneS and took my place, talking to some people in line. (fun fact, I swear blind that Kevin Smith, the director also plays Silent Bob in his own films, was a few places behind me). I also saw a short girl and a huge guy who looked surprisingly similar to characters in a webcomic I read, and I knew they were coming to the show.

The doors opened and I rushed inside, stocking up on merch and heading to the front, as it happened I was standing behind the two people at the front and overheard them say their names, so I enquired if they were the same Boston and Hoss who wrote 21deadmonkeys (the comic), turns out they were, I got a hug from Boston and she let me stand on the barrier, they were quite surprised because a) I had travelled so far to see the BossToneS, and b) I had heard of their comic. They also apologised for a few of their comics where they use the term British as an insult, I didn't mind, I found it pretty funny.

The first band graced the stage, Gimme Danger, they were really good, kinda like melodic pop rock, it was a good start. The crowd was pretty hectic, as it happened the New England Patriots were playing the New York Giants in the final game of the season that night so we were discussing that for awhile, (they won in the end, and had an unbeaten season, sucks that they lost the superbowl though).

Next up was Street Dogs, super intense Boston punk rock, thoroughly enjoyable and a real crowd pleaser. After they finished I watched the clock intensely, counting down every minute until it was BossToneS time. I couldn't believe after everything, 2 years of loving them, 2 years of arguing that they would reform, it had come to this, being crushed against a barrier, 3000 miles from home, mere minutes away from seeing the greatest band of all time.

Their intro song came on and everyone went mental including myself, and suddenly Dicky, Joe, Lawrence, Ben, Joe, Tim, Chris and Roman graced the stage, cue the loudest cheer you've ever heard and them suddenly thrashing into 1-2-8. I was going insane, screaming every word, and in absolute writhing agony, being crushed against a huge metal barrier by 600 rowdy Bostonians is not a pleasurable experience. I honestly forget the order of the rest of the set, I wrote down their set in an earlier post, but I can't be bothered to check it.

Basically it was the greatest thing imaginable, the crowd was louder than Dicky, and I really can't put it into words, it was remarkable, outstanding, breathtaking, every word I can think of doesn't do it justice, nor will any word ever do it justice. It's beyond understanding, you just had to have been there, it was happening, I'd pulled it off, I was 3000 miles from home, alive and well, watching the greatest band of all time rock my face off, and I've never been so happy to have my ribs crushed (and bruised pretty badly).

It was over far too soon, I left not sad that it was over, but so infinitely happy that I saw it, and that after so long of loving them, I had actually done what everybody said I couldn't do, I proved everyone wrong, I succeeded, I'd lived the dream, I'd climbed the highest mountain and looked down at the world and laughed. For once in my life I'd done it, no regrets, no remorse about what I should have done, just pure happiness.

Afterwards I bumped into Boston and Hoss who offered to buy me some pizza which was really cool of them. We went into a pizza place around the corner and I had a slice and some more pepsi, admittedly eating after such a collosal chest annihilation was ill planned, and I had to go to the toilet and hurl. Once that was over with I returned for more pizza and pepsi and we chatted about ska, my journey, the comic, spazzing out every time we saw any sign or street that was in a BossToneS song (I'm not the only one) and then the unthinkable happened.

I looked up and saw the face of Joe Gittleman looking down at me, (he gave me a thumbs up mid set, which I figured he recognised me from a message I sent them about a week prior) he sat down and thanked me for coming so far, and we talked for awhile about ska music, and it's popularity in the UK, and I pointed out real ska fans are hard to find, but you'll find far too many lipstick ska fans (people who love reel big fish, less than jake, that's as deep into ska as they get). He enquired when I was leaving and he made a phonecall and told me I could come to the soundcheck the next day if I wanted, I obliged of course, as Big D were playing the next day.

He left, I got a photo with him (check the myspace, yes I always look that goofy when I meet people in bands I love) and me, Hoss and Boston continued eating and talking until about 2am (the show finished around 12:30am). I said goodbye to them and we hugged and such, and I got a cab back to the hostel to get some rest. I was reeking of sweat, I was aching all over, but I couldn't be happier.

I went straight asleep after a cigarette and lay awake for a few minutes still unable to believe the day I'd just had, the greatest day of my life, hands down, hanging out with the coolest people all day, and seeing the coolest band all night, I doubt any day will ever beat that, unless there's a hometown throwdown XI which I sure as hell will be hitting up.

I fell asleep thanking everyone and everything, feeling proud of myself for not being too scared to make the trip, as it was worth every hardship I faced in organising it, and I looked forward to tomorrow and being able to watch Big D soundcheck before returning home.

I woke up after another great nights sleep, and got myself ready for my last day in Boston. I wandered around for awhile trying to kill time until I was supposed to be back at The Middle East for soundcheck, I wandered to some kind of "everything under one roof" thing and got a couple of pens for autographs, and I also found a sports store and got some American football shirts for my dad.

I walked down Mass Ave. and took in the skyline one last time as I made my way through the cold to Harvard Square. I bought myself a drink and decided to sit in the park at Harvard Square for awhile and take in the sights. I sat down on a bench and lit a cigarette, looked around took a few photos, watched the squirrels playing in the snow and thought about how much I wanted to stay here. Each time I inhaled smoke, and I saw the cigarette burning out more and more, I felt like it was coming to an end more and more. I sighed and looked around trying hard to take everything in as I never ever wanted to forget this. I thought about the soundcheck and if I'd get to meet Dicky or anyone else from the band, I lit another cigarette and just sort of sat there and contemplated the whole trip.

It had been a culmination of a lot of hard work, a lot of money, and a huge leap of faith but there I was sitting in Harvard Square, smoking a cigarette and realising how far I'd come. I'd made it all this way, had the time of my life, and I did it alone, with no help from anybody, and no-one could ever take that away from me.

I stubbed out the cigarette and said goodbye to Harvard Square as I made my way to the Middle East. Upon my arrival I saw Joe Gittleman standing outside, he greeted me with a handshake and told me that they wanted to interview me for the Throwdown documentary, which was quite a surprise and quite an honor. If or when they decide to upload it, check it out, I talk a load of crap about how much I love the BossToneS, not only for their musical skill, but for their underground DIY ethic and appreciation of the fanbase, it's probably going to be embarrasing as hell, but still it's another great memory.

Joe came back upstairs and told me Big D were soundchecking so I went with him and stood in the same room where my greatest dream had been realised the night before, people were setting up merch, Big D were playing, and Joe Gittleman was a few feet away watching with me. It couldn't have really ended on a better note.

Big D left the stage and Joe told me to stick around and that if anyone gave me trouble send them his way, I thanked him for everything and asked if he could sign my ticket, he obliged and I thanked him yet again, I shook his hand, really unable to express my thanks for everything, he even offered me tickets to the rest of the shows but sadly I had to leave that night.

I stood around for awhile and watched Victims of Circumstance soundcheck, after they were finished I notice someone coming towards me and asking if I was Scott, I told him I was and we shook hands, then I realised who it was, it was only Dave McWaine, lead singer of Big D and the Kids Table. He asked me if I was a geordie (for any Americans, geordies are people who live in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, and have strange accents, as most towns in England hate each other, being called a geordie is a bit of an odd question) I told him I wasn't and explained I lived about an hour away from Manchester, he then told me their bus driver for the UK tour was a geordie and he didn't really know what it meant, we chatted for awhile, he was astounded at how far I'd travelled and said I should stick around, but sadly I couldn't. We also talked about how crazy it was being in the same room as the BossToneS, he's a huge fan and says he rarely acts like himself around them, and that it's crazy that they got to support them, he left after a few minutes and we said our goodbyes. After a few minutes, Steve, the bassist from Big D also came to talk to me, we too chatted for a few minutes before he had to go, he too was surprised at how far I'd come.

A while after that the guitarist from Victims of Circumstance talked to me, (fun fact, they added me on myspace a few weeks before this and he actually recognised me from that, apparently I'm very photogenic) we talked for awhile, I can't really recall what about, probably about how cool it was to see the BossToneS. After sticking around for awhile it was time to get going, I noticed Ben Carr standing across the room, told him my story and thanked him for an incredible gig, he was really cool, in hindsight I'm sure he wouldn't have minded a photo or autograph but alas.

I went outside and crossed the road, sat on a bench and lit a cigarette, I looked across at The Middle East and quietly said my goodbyes to the venue and to the city when suddenly I heard my name being shouted, I looked around and saw Boston running across the road to me, we hugged and she asked me how it was in the soundcheck, I explained everything and stood with them for a few minutes before getting a cab. I said goodbye to Boston and Hoss and thanked them for everything and then it was time to go, I gave my spare cigarettes to some kid in line and got a cab to the airport.

I checked in, went through security and the security guard noticed all the sweets in my bag (compliments of Tina) and remarked that he might have to check the bag (sarcastically) it was a far more relaxing experience than coming in. I sat in the lounge and stared at times in between wandering the airport. I sat and thought once again about everything, and honestly I thought about just running, not getting my flight and just hiding here for awhile, I tried to figure out how I could outwit the FBI but it never came to me so sadly I was on my way to Amsterdam.

On the plane I watched Die Hard: With a Vengeance (which had some hilarious censorship in it) and The Wedding Singer, a pretty uneventful flight. In Amsterdam I sat and once again thought about the whole adventure, and how in a few hours I'd be sitting back in my room in Stoke wishing I could be back in Boston, I was looking forward to getting back and celebrating New Years with everyone but I just wanted to stay in Boston so badly.

I landed back in Manchester, met my dad and we drove home, I explained everything that happened and then that was it, it was over as quickly as it had begun.

I'd like to thank from the bottom of my heart: Kerrin, Becky, Lauren, Tina, Jon and Mike, for the company, and incredible times I had. I'd also like to thank the one and only Mighty Mighty BossToneS for being the greatest band on the planet and the nicest people imaginable. Also in need of thanks are Big D, Victims of Circumstance, Boston and Hoss at 21deadmonkeys, everyone who supported me and encouraged me to make the trip. All of you are responsible for the greatest few days of my life.

A few things I learned: New England Pizza, is the greatest pizza in the world.
Boston is the greatest city in the world.
Massachusetts is the greatest state ever.
If I really put my mind to something, I can accomplish anything.
If I can do this, I can do anything.

Last of all, I'd like to say that I will be back, sooner or later, hopefully for much longer than a few days, and when I do, it's gonna be incredible.

If you've made it this far, then you win at the internets.

Goodnight and may everyone have an experience as good as mine at least once in their life.

xoxox

OMFG!

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 17:16:07 GMT

THE BOSSTONES ARE BACK TOGETHER!!!!

=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D

New Journal

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 16:56:58 GMT

Yeah, add me and stuff!

I made this so i can rant about stuff, myspace doesnt cater for mass ranting!